1. "When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."

2. "H3O is hot water, and CO3 is cold water"

3. "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"

4. "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

5. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state"

6. "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

7. "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

8. "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

9. "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

10. "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

11. "A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

12. "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

13. "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."

14. "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

15. "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."

16. "The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in his fight."

17. "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

18. "Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception."

19. "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

20. "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

21. "Liter: A nest of young puppies."

22. "Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

23. "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

24. "Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."

25. "Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."

26. "Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

27. "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."

28. "To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."

29. "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."

30. "For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."

31. "For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."

32. "For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat."

33. "To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

Source: JokeSite