Behind every newspaper headline lurks a newspaper deadline. The men and women who compose headlines work within restrictions of time and space.

They must compact large-size print into narrow column widths, and their brief messages must clearly state the theme of each story, keep words intact, be attractive to the eye and catch the reader's attention. On top of that, each headline must be written in a fraction of the time thought humanly possible.

No wonder that, on occasion, editors get caught with their headlines down, and exposed to as many as several million readers, the bold-face botch becomes a red-face result.

Some of the best two-headed headlines are those in which an inadvertent pun lifts the message from the blandly literal to the sublimely absurd:

- GRANDMOTHER OF EIGHT MAKES HOLE IN ONE

- DEAF MUTE GETS NEW HEARING IN KILLING

- DEFENDANT'S SPEECH ENDS IN LONG SENTENCE

- ASBESTOS SUIT PRESSED

- DOCTOR TESTIFIES IN HORSE SUIT

- COMPLAINTS ABOUT NBA REFEREES GROWING UGLY

- POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIAGN TO RUNDOWN JAYWALKERS

- FLAMING TOILET SEAT CAUSES EVACUATION AT HIGH SCHOOL

- HOUSE PASSES GAS TAX ONTO SENATE

- POLICE DISCOVER CRACK IN AUSTRALIA

- TUNA BITING OFF WASHINGTON COAST

- MANY ANTIQUES SEEN AT D.A.R. MEETING

- IKE SAYS NIXON CAN'T STAND PAT

- TWO CONVICTS EVADE NOOSE; JURY HUNG

- U.S. AUDIT FINDS FUNDS FOR YOUTH MISSPENT

- ALL-STARS TURN ON SPARSE CROWD

- NATION'S HUNGRY ATTACK MEESE.

- COLLEGIANS ARE TURNING TO VEGATABLES

- MILK DRINKERS ARE TURNING TO POWDER

- HALF-MILLION ITALIAN WOMEN SEEN ON PILL

- SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED

- FLORIDA ILLEGAL ALIENS CUT IN HALF BY NEW LAW

- 10 REVOLTING OFFICERS EXECUTED

- QUARTER OF A MILLION CHINESE LIVE ON WATER

- DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE

- COUNTY OFFICIALS TO TALK RUBBISH

- JUDGE ACTS TO REOPEN THEATER

- MAN HELD IN MIAMI AFTER SHOOTING BEE

- SURVIVOR OF SIAMESE TWINS JOINS PARENTS

- CARTER PLANS SWELL DEFICIT

- CARTER TICKS OFF BLACK HELP

- CARRIBEAN ISLANDS DRIFT TO LEFT

- NEW HOUSING FOR ELDERLY NOT YET DEAD

- TOWN TO DROP SCHOOL BUS WHEN OVERPASS IS READY

- GENETIC ENGINEERING SPLITS SCIENTISTS

- IRAQUI HEAD SEEKS ARMS

- HERSHEY BARS PROTEST

- MEAT HEAD FIGHTS HIKE IN MINIMUM PAY

- NEW AUTOS TO HIT 5 MILLION

- LOCAL MAN HAS LONGEST HORNS IN TEXAS

- CAUSE OF AIDS FOUND -- SCIENTISTS

- BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS

- LUNG CANCER IN WOMEN MUSHROOMS

- CITY PACT FIGHT BOILS

- EYE DROPS OFF SHELF

- TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS

- REAGAN WINS ON BUDGET, BUT MORE LIES AHEAD

- SWAZI KING, 2 SONS POISON SUSPECTS

- DEALERS WILL HEAR CAR TALK FRIDAY NOON

- SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM

- LAWYERS GIVE POOR FREE LEGAL ADVISE

- MAN EATING PIRANHA MISTAKENLY SOLD AS PET FISH

- ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX

- ADMITS SHOOTING HUSBAND FROM STAND DURING TRIAL

- LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS

- PLANE TOO CLOSE TO GROUND, CRASH PROBE TOLD

- MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

- JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANNT

- HITLER, NAZI PAPERS FOUND IN ATTIC

- TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE, ONE DIES

- 2 SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 10 YEARS IN CHECKOUT COUNTER

- KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN 10 YEARS

- CANCER SOCIETY HONORS MARLBORO MANN

- NICARAGUA SETS GOAL TO WIPE OUT LITERACY

- DRUNKEN DRIVERS PAID $1, 000 IN '84

- AUTOS KILLING 110 A DAY: LET'S RESOLVE TO DO BETTER

- 20-YEAR FRIENDSHIP ENDS AT ALTAR

- WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE

- IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST A WHILE

- SMOKERS ARE PRODUCTIVE, BUT DEATH CUTS EFFICIENCY

- COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES

- HALF OF U.S. HIGH SCHOOLS REQUIRE SOME STUDY FOR GRADUATION

- BLIND WOMAN GETS NEW KIDNEY FROM DAD SHE HASN'T SEEN IN YEARS

- SCENT FOUL PLAY IN DEATH OF MAN FOUND BOUND AND HANGED

- MAN IS FATALLY SLAIN

- ENDFIELD COUPLE SLAIN: POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE

- SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS

- DEATH CAUSES LONELINESS, FEELINGS OF ISOLATION